By Patricia Young
We all, at some point of our lives, have been judgmental. But, is it a trait that brings something positive to us? Does it let us grow and connect with others? I personally think that it doesn’t.
Why do we, so quickly, make judgments about others? Why when people don’t act, react or think like us, we always have something arrogant to think or say? There’s always a comparison factor and a desire to have things be the way we want them to be. We even use a double standard, sometimes we can be very harsh when it comes to others, however, we tend to be very light when it comes to us.
When we judge others we tend to build a barrier that ends up separating us from them. We tend to feel that we are separate from everybody and everything else, and that is a preconceived belief that we need to dismiss. Think about it, we are not separate from each other or anything, we are all connected. We all have so much in common, we all are capable of feeling the same emotions and experiences. We all are part of nature, the planet, the universe. We are no better than anybody else.
Even if you consider that someone is not making the right choices for their life, they need our compassion, not out judgment. Who are we to judge what they need to learn? How can we know what somebody needs to learn? Everybody, including yourself, is free to make their own choices and travel their own path.
We usually make our decisions in our lives, and judge others based on our past experiences, which gives us a false sense of entitlement. All based on fear. Yes, FEAR… we tend to forget that our insecurities, lack of self-esteem and self-love are basically fear. Our judgmental traits can be triggered by these. But it’s really up to us to break the cycle and let go.
Remember, we are all one. In order to have more compassion for others we need to start by having more compassion for ourselves. What do we have to lose? Our fear? Our anger? It’s well worth it to live in a better world. We can make a big difference!
Next time you find yourself judging someone, ask yourself, where is this coming from? What fear is surfacing? What is the reaction toward that other person that makes you feel superior? Ask yourself, have I ever done something like this before? The answer, almost always, will be “yes”. Ask yourself these questions when you are judging yourself too, try to dig and see what fear is coming up to the surface.
Cultivate your empathy and compassion - when you find yourself judging, close your eyes and take a deep breath. Try to remind yourself that you might not know the whole story about that person, that you might be missing information and it’s just not fair to judge. Honor yourself and every being, remember that we are all one and we all want and deserve happiness. That’s our birthright. Transform every judgment into compassion and love.
In separateness lies the world’s great misery, in compassion lies the world’s true strength ~Buddha
Being judgmental doesn’t help anyone. We can’t avoid forming opinions of others’ actions but we can choose to not share them. Compassion is much more helpful.
I agree we need to focus on our own self rather than others.
The old saying is still true, “treat others as you wish to be treated”. And another one I like is “the change you wish to see”. I think that when others think about how they want others to treat them, it reflects back to us to be better.
I really love this post. Judging other people doesn’t do anything for us at all. We need to take the time to understand and show compassion for other people’s situations. We don’t know what they went through. Great post!
We definitely need to concentrate on ourselves and let others do the same. What works for some doesn’t work for all.
Great post! I agree with many of the comments above. We definitely need to concentrate on ourselves and not be so quick to judge others!
I am hoping that I don’t judge. I try very hard to be “mindful” of the opportunities to be so. I know of a few areas that are hard to avoid and that is in where other people are sooo different than me or can even be repugnant to me, then I see where I need to have more compassion. It is hard to “do” but it will change in time. So I hope! Nice reminder…
I think one of the reasons why we judge people is because we see ourselves in their behavior, and we don’t like it. Time for some introspection to figure out what it is, exactly, that is causing such a strong reaction.
Thank you for sharing Patricia. SO true and Yes we have to reclaim our birth right
Wow! This is so true that our judgements are based on fear and discomfort with what we can’t figure out or control. I just had these discussions with my husband during recent situations where we talked about our tendency to want to judge when in reality, we needed to extend compassion.
Cher Gunderson
http://www.masteryouraccent.com
This is a great post, Patricia! ~ Whenever I feel I’m in judgment of someone else, I’m always mindful that something inside of me is getting triggered. I see it as an invitation to explore the trigger and to acknowledge that it may need some form of resolution or healing on my part. ~ Our higher self has the ability to let things go, while our conditioned self is constantly getting triggered.
So glad that you addressed this issue and I agree totally with you. No good comes out of being judgemental. I always to to be conscious not to judge and instead show compassion because you never know what someone is going through.
Gosh there is so much judgement in our world that does not lead to joyful feelings for ourselves or for anyone else. It is amazing how easy it is to judge someone else without even being consciously aware of it - myself included. I have been working on really paying attention to this because living from my conditioned judgmental self takes me away from the joy that I feel inside and the amazement I see in others and the world around me. Thank you for a great thought provoking post!
We really can make a BIG difference Patricia. By looking deep within and reflecting, it can really be a powerful experience that can help us in all aspects of interacting with others.
Great article Patricia. We should all think twice before being judgemental. Being supportive is a much better quality.
Wow.. that is so true…and great. Thanks for writing and sharing this.
You are so right Patricia. I have learned that it is so important to stop and hear another person from their point of view than ever is to be right with my point of view. What a great article! Thank you!